reality bites

i came across the following article yesterday.. though after reading its contents, one would surely remember metallica's "sad but true", nonetheless it is very hilarious if you focus at the language of the content which bears a striking resemblance to the financial jargon..

Investment banking groom valuations fall in Wedding

Hyderabad : The subprime crisis in the US has made its effects felt in India as well, this time in the highly lucrative weddings futures market in Andhra Pradesh. "An IIM passout at a US investment bank like Lehman Brothers was as good as it got, a few weeks back. But now parents of brides want to stay as far as possible from such profiles", said Dr Rajan, an expert with over 20 years of experience in the matrimonial industry.


The first visible effects were noted in the online space yesterday with scores of investment banking profiles being "blocked" by women across matrimonial & social networking sites. Apparently the average "Be my friend" request index from 20 - 26 years old women to investment bankers have dropped from 24 to 2 in a period of three weeks. "As Indians, we have always been trained to think longterm", said an unrepentant Sophia after deleting 6 investment bankers from her Friends list.

Mrs Narayani, head of the Old Wives & Aunts Network, the most powerful lobby working in this industry said that the offline impact will also be felt sooner than later. "As of today, we are downgrading Financial services, Investment banking & Outsourcing from 'Marriage Material (MM)' to 'Ignore Politely (IP)'. But we stand committed to all deals that have been mutually agreed upon before Sep 15th, provided the groom can present evidence of fresh employment & adequate capital reserves", she said.

Raj Malhotra, a Lehman Brothers investment banker who was holding out, hoping for a better valuation said "Maybe I should not have waited so long & should have accepted the buyout offer from the Mysore based girl". Utopia has also learnt that a number of investment bankers have lowered their next quarter projections and are now ready to marry any girl who will let them.

It is also reported that the worst fears of any banker - the girl insisting on a sense of humour - might also come true as the market prepares itself for a long winter.

Comment: For those who are grinning - Well done, For those who are left behind - Dont worry, its just a matter of the next cycle (5 year +-)

some of the noteworthy similarities are commented on below:

• weddings futures market : as if weddings are an asset class on which futures are traded in the market
  

• be my friend request index : like the Sensex and Nifty there is index in matrimonial sites
  

• index dropped from 24 to 2 in 3 weeks : 90% fall in 3 weeks, wow !! this is even worse than the year to date fall in stock indices

• Old Wives & Aunts Network : some kind of rating agency like S&P, Moody's

• downgrade from MM to IP : just like a stock is downgraded from Buy to Sell

• 15 Sep date : a date for perfect market timing, sell all your investments before market starts to go down
  

not to mention terms like better valuation, buyout offer, next quarter projections.. might have missed many more :) goes on to show how the current financial crisis has become a true global crisis engulfing things which are not even remotely connected with finance..